So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
