We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
