no, he came in my armpit
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize