I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Text me some of your sweat
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
