She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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