you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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