I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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