I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
