I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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