Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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