It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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