Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
