well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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