We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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