guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i need an iv and a liver transplant
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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