just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize