If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
