he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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