Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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