grandma shit on top of the toilet
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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