My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
