We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
