remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
