Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
