in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
