We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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