you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
