I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
