yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
In America we eat man semen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
