thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
