Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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