All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
