then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
