There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
