His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
