Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
