Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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