Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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