I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
