Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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