I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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