Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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