More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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