i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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