Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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