how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
