He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
