the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize