dude i'm inner monologue high
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
