Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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