Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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