i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My pussy is not your playground.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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