it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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