Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
