i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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