found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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