whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
