C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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