i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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