Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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