I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
