quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
