I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
