How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
