So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
