So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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