ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How does it feel to date your dad?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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