I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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