it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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