Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
