"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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