i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
