Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
