I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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