This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
