Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
